Response: First, I would like to clarify that Conscious Dating is NOT “Intuitive Dating,” “Impulsive Dating,” “Trial and Error Dating” or “Dating for Dummies.” It’s not about how to get a man or woman as quickly as possible. It’s about what you can do to find the love of your life and the life that you love.
In my way of thinking, there are three levels of consciousness–
- Unconscious (awake, but not paying attention)
- Semi-Conscious (Aware of what’s in front of you)
- Conscious (Aware of self, others, and the big picture)
“Conscious Dating” is to date with conscious intention.
In Conscious Dating, to be “conscious” means to be aware of:
1. Who you are and what you want
2. Your attitudes, skills, and choices for getting what you want
3. How relationships work
By “intention” I mean that you make your choices aware of their long-term consequences in alignment with your desired outcomes.
Response: We want to be happy in relationships, but don’t seem to know how. We seem to assume that relationships should just work, or we should already know how to make them work, and often aren’t motivated to learn until we’re in pain because they’re not working. By then, it’s often too late.
Response: I hear two questions from singles over and over again-
Where can I find my life partner?
How do I find my life partner?
Apparently, how to use the process of dating to find a life partner is a huge mystery. So let me share with you my Four Steps for Conscious Dating which will answer the “how” question:
Step One: Scouting: The process of finding someone to meet (internet, bars, singles events, etc)
Step Two: Sorting: Quickly discovering if someone you meet has potential
Step Three: Screening: Gathering the information you need to evaluate if there is a fit for a long-term relationship (especially related to requirements)
Step Four: Testing: Testing the reality of the information you get to make a relationship choice based upon experience and knowledge
Each step involves a variety of skills and strategies that results in singles being empowered and confident when dating, greatly increasing their odds of finding the love of their life.
Response: I mean that dating as we practice it in our current culture doesn’t work. The divorce rate is over 50% and hasn’t gone down, while the marriage rate has gone down, and the co-habitation rate has skyrocketed by over 1,000% in the past generation. People obviously think they might avoid the pain of divorce by cohabitating and delaying or avoiding commitment, but that doesn’t work because cohabitation has a higher failure rate than marriage. Of course! They’re acting committed without really being committed. We’re social beings and want a life partnership. 85-90% of adults marry at least once, making vows to be together for life, yet many break up. The process of dating and mating in today’s world clearly doesn’t work and we need a new paradigm. Conscious Dating provides that new paradigm. For more information see Why This Book is Needed
Response: Dating Traps are unconscious choices that singles make that lead to relationship failure. My unwritten “Dr. Laura” title for them is Fourteen Stupid Things Singles Do to Mess Up Their Life.
For example, the Marketing Trap is pervasive in online dating where singles believe who they really are isn’t good enough so they use marketing hype that leads to disappointing dating experiences, or the Sex Trap where singles have sex with someone they’re dating then almost immediately get attached and consider themselves a couple. In my past I’ve fallen into many of them, including the Virtual Reality Trap where you see what you want to see and ignore some serious red flags because you want the relationship to work. One of my favorites is the Rescue Trap where singles unconsciously believe a relationship will rescue them from their problems and unhappiness, then when they get into a relationship, their problems multiply instead of disappear.
Singles can avoid the dating traps by practicing the Ten Principles of Conscious Dating described in the book by being clear about who they are, what they want, developing effective relationship attitudes, skills, and choices, and living their vision of the life they want while they’re single and seeking their life partner.
Response: Focus on these three areas-
- Become more clear about who you are and what you want- your vision, life purpose, requirements, needs, and wants
- Learn how to get what you want-
a. Attitudes, skills, choices
b. Scouting, sorting, screening, testing
- Use the Law of Attraction and be ready and available for commitment
Response: Henry Ford said “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.” This is a common scarcity mindset that causes singles to either give up or settle for less. I’ve seen over and over again that single really can find the love of their life if they let themselves go for it.
Here are some other thoughts for these singles-
• “If you expect less, you’ll get less”
• What you believe you can achieve”
• “If you build it, they will come”
• It only takes one, and you’re the one
Response: I think I have two main messages-
1. “Being single is an opportunity, not a disease,” so embrace and make the most of this time in your life and set yourself up for success when you find your life partner
2. “Be The Chooser;” go after what you really want in your life and make your relationship choices conscious of their long-term consequences. For more information check out my Be The Chooser audio program
Response: Yes, as a child of divorce myself, I seem to have learned the hard way about relationships. However, we learn by falling down. Relationships are easy for some and hard for others. I relate to singles and couples who strongly desire a successful life partnership and find this journey quite challenging. While I wouldn’t wish two divorces on anyone, the third time has been the charm for me, and the journey along the way has taught me a lot about what does and doesn’t work in finding and having a successful life partnership. For more information about my personal relationship journey that led me to use Conscious Dating to finally find my soul mate visit www.darleneanddavid.com
Response: I resisted the idea of writing this book for a long time because as a therapist and coach, I strongly believe the we are social beings that need social support like parents, teachers, counselors, and coaches to be successful, and thought “If you could ‘get it’ from a book, the world’s problems would be solved.” Then, when I decided to write the book, I knew I wanted to write THE definitive book for singles and got a lot of help and spent a lot of time refining and testing the strategies in the book. Plus, along the way I wrote two books on building a successful private practice, developed Relationship Coaching Institute and trained over 500 professionals in my model of relationship coaching, and over 5000 have taken our introductory training, so I’ve been busy!
Response: If you’re single and seeking your life partner, this is the only book you need. Here are 4 reasons why this book is different from any other book for singles:
1. This book is cutting-edge
There are many original tools, concepts and strategies for singles in this book that are available no-where else
2. This book is comprehensive
Other books for singles have a narrow focus (flirting, how to “get” a man, how to avoid jerks, etc). This book is written to be THE definitive book for today’s singles who want to live the life they love with the love of their life
3. This book is proven and tested
It took me 8 years to write this book as I have been developing and testing the ideas since 1997, and I have trained over 500 coaches and therapists who have used the tools and concepts in this book to help thousands of singles worldwide, a few of which are featured in the book.
4. This book is written by a credible source
Would you accept relationship information from a marketing consultant who calls themselves a “Dating Coach?” I am appalled at the bad advice provided by self-help books for singles nowadays. I’m a genuine Marriage and Family Therapist, licensed for over 20 years, and specialize in relationships in my private practice. I’m the founder Relationship Coaching Institute and have pioneered the development of Relationship Coaching for singles and couples, have trained over 5,000 coaches and therapists in my introductory program and over 500 have completed my relationship coaching training. I’m well respected in the professional community and this book represents the debut of my work for the public.
Response: Conscious Dating is available in bookstores and online at Amazon.com. If your listeners go to radical-dating.com they can order an autographed first edition at a discount and get a free audio CD that normally retails for $14.95 as a bonus.
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