The Law of Attraction simply means “like attracts like.” Another way to look at it is “be who you want to attract”.

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It is a straightforward concept to grasp, but it requires practice to consistently attract what you want in any area of your life. You can accelerate the process of attracting your love match by applying the Law of Attraction to your search. Once you are aware of this universal law and how it works, you can start to use it deliberately to attract what you want into your life, including the relationship of your dreams.

The Law of Attraction is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting the very people, situations, jobs and much more that are presently in your life. And, your current thoughts are attracting what and who will be in your life in the future.

Thoughts can be traced back to beliefs. Your beliefs create your thoughts which lead to your words and actions. If you don’t like your results, look at your actions and track back. Chances are you will find that you hold a belief that is not serving you.

Here’s an example. A female single has a belief that online dating doesn’t work. However, friends persuade her to try it. She really doesn’t want to but eventually agrees. Because she doesn’t believe it will work, she doesn’t spend much time or effort on her profile or select recent flattering pictures. She writes a few people without response and notes that the only men writing her are “losers” or “scammers”. After a short time, she stops and tells her friends, “See, I told you it wouldn’t work!” She got exactly the results she believed she would.

The good news is we can change our thoughts any time we want. Another female single has friends who have met great guys online. She even knew a couple who met online and got married. When she heard their stories, she couldn’t wait to try online dating. She worked hard on her profile making it fun and positive, selected some recent, great pictures and began the process. Soon, her in box was filling up with messages and she received responses to some messages that she sent. Soon she was dating, meeting great guys and enjoying the process.

To develop a positive attitude that will help you to change your negative thoughts, try spending some time writing out a list of negative or limiting beliefs you have about dating and relationships. For each limiting belief, write down a corresponding positive belief statement or affirmation, and focus on that affirmation. An affirmation is a simple statement that reshapes your beliefs and helps you move towards your life goals. For example “Relationships are always painful in the end” becomes “When I meet the right person, my relationship will be satisfying and joyful.”

To create a new belief, you must believe it to be true. If you don’t really believe your positive affirmation, then we recommend using a bridge. A bridge will make it believable to you during the transition. Here’s an example of a bridge … “I’m beginning to believe …” or “I’m becoming ….”

Developing visualization skills is one of the best ways to make the Law of Attraction a more powerful tool in your life.  If you can imagine it or dream it, you can have it, but you have to do your part.

Think about your future partner and know he’s out there. Visualize and write about a perfect day with your partner. Close your eyes and see yourself in a setting that you love with a person that you love. Describe what you see and hear. Allow yourself to feel, even taste if that’s appropriate. The more senses and emotions you can tap into, the more real your vision will become. Write in first person, present tense – as if it’s happening now. It is happening now, at least in your mind, right?

Another visualization option is to create a collage or vision board using pictures and words that speak to what you want in your life and relationship. Get a large poster board and several magazines. Thumb through the magazines and when a picture or word resonates, stop and cut it out. Then post in on your poster board. While your written vision of your perfect day with a partner is a narrative representation of what you want, a vision board is a visual representation and pictures are very powerful.

I know someone who cut out a picture of a house that he wanted and pasted it on his vision board. Over time, he put the vision board in the attic and didn’t look at it again until he was packing to move. He was astounded to see that his new house was the exact house pasted on his vision board years earlier!

Be sure to read your perfect day vision daily and keep your vision board where you can see it daily. These positive reminders will keep you focused on your goal.

Gratitude is an important component in Law of Attraction. By focusing attention on what you are grateful for, you concentrate your positive energy and positive intentions on what you have already brought to your life.  What you are grateful for can be anything – people, places, things, ideas, opportunities, etc. Make a list of 20-25 things, people, etc. that you are grateful for. As you write and then read through your list, you’ll be surprised at how good you feel. Often we don’t appreciate what we already have as many of us tend to focus on what we don’t have. And … since Law of Attractions tells us that we get what we focus on, focusing on what we don’t have will bring us more of the same.

I personally have a combination vision/gratitude board which hangs in my office where I can see it daily. It’s mostly pictures but also includes some words that are important to me. It makes me feel good to see it and I feel so grateful to have all the special people and things in my life.

 

I find time every day to thank my higher power for all of my abundance and all of my blessings. I speak it out loud. Clarity is so important in Law of Attraction so be very clear about what you want and appreciate what you already have.

Believe that Law of Attraction works in your life. It has and will continue to work whether you acknowledge it or not. It’s a very powerful tool in your relationship search, so be aware and make it work for you intentionally. Remember, thoughts become things so choose positive ones!

 

Sheryl Spangler is a Certified Relationship Coach, Certified Matchmaker, and the founder of Heart&Soul Matchmaking (www.heartandsoulmatchmaking.com).

Sheryl helps singles over 40 prepare for and find love .

44% of U.S. adults are single, and 27% of adults live alone. (Source- census.gov) If this trend continues, soon, the majority of our population will be single.

Here at Relationship Coaching Institute we have a positive attitude about most aspects of human experience, including our slogan that Being Single is an Opportunity, Not a Disease!

But not all singles are alike, they come in different flavors such as-

1. Temporarily Single- actively seeking a partner and in between relationships

2. Recently Divorced/Widowed- recovering from loss and not ready for a relationship

3. Frustrated Single- wants a partner, not able to find one and gives up

4. Passive Single- wants a relationship but not actively seeking a partner

5. Single But Not Available- self-perception of being single and desires a lasting relationship,
but “hooking up” to get needs met

6. Busy/Distracted Single- absorbed in being a single parent, career, school, etc and doesn’t
have time or desire for partner

7. Single by Choice- no desire for a partner, being single is a conscious permanent lifestyle choice
for many reasons, including-

• “Been there, done that, don’t want to do it again”
• “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
• Ascetic or other religious/spiritual reason
• Loner
• Values independence more than couplehood
• Polyamory/alternative lifestyle that doesn’t lend itself to cohabitation
• Celibate/asexual
• Financial reasons
• Aging
• Health

If you’re single, which are you?

If you’re a coach for singles, how do you help the different types?

Here’s the recording of a stimulating panel discussion of guest experts exploring the (apparently) complex world of being single in today’s world. Enjoy!

Guest Panelists for this Program

Marcela Veron Soulful Love Intuitive www.embodyyourlove.com	Cary Valentine Relationship Coach www.caryvalentine.net	Tereasa Jones, MS ADHD Relationship Coach www.coachedliving.com
Karin Flodstrom, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist www.drkarinflodstrom.com	Catherine Garrett Transformational Life Coach www.meandmypassions.com/	Rosemary (Rosie) Hirst Life/Relationship Coach www.rosiehirst.com

 

 

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by David Steele

In July 2005, the National Marriage Project of Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, released their annual “State of Our Unions” report for 2005. You will find some key findings from this report below. Here is what I would like you to know:

• The marriage rate continues to decline
• The cohabitation rate continues to increase, with a higher failure rate than marriage
• The divorce rate continues to be around 50 percent, though has declined a bit, most likely due to fewer marriages and more cohabitation
• Couples are waiting longer to get married
• Divorced people are slightly less likely to re-marry
• Lifelong singlehood has increased a bit
• Over 50 percent of couples now live together before getting married
• Couples living together without plans for marriage is increasing
• 40 percent of all children will live in a cohabiting household
• 28 percent of all children live in single parent families
• An increasing percentage of teenagers state that they want to get married and that having a good marriage and family is important to them

These trends are disturbing because the problems are getting worse, not better. For example, more and more people cohabitate, which has a higher failure rate than marriage, and higher negative impact on children and families. Yet, most want a successful life partnership, and think cohabitation is a necessary first step.

There is a widening gulf between:

– what people want (a successful committed relationship)…

– what they do (cohabitate)…

– and the results they get (relationship failure)

Here are some key findings on Marriage, Divorce, Cohabitation, Children, and Teen Attitudes:

ON MARRIAGE:
“Americans have become less likely to marry. Most people now live together before they marry for the first time.”
50 percent decline, from 1970 to 2004, in the annual number of marriages per 1,000 unmarried adult women
Some of this decline—it is not clear just how much—results from the delaying of first marriages until older ages
Other factors accounting for the decline are the growth of unmarried cohabitation and a small decrease in the tendency of divorced persons to remarry. The decline also reflects some increase in lifelong singlehood

ON DIVORCE:
“The American divorce rate today is nearly twice that of 1960, but has declined slightly since hitting the highest point in our history in the early 1980s. For the average couple marrying in recent years, the lifetime probability of divorce or separation remains between 40 and 50 percent.”

ON COHABITATION:
“The number of unmarried couples has increased dramatically over the past four decades, and the increase is continuing. Most younger Americans now spend some time living together outside of marriage, and unmarried cohabitation commonly precedes marriage. A growing percentage of cohabiting couple households, now over 40 percent, contain children.”

Between 1960 and 2004 the number of unmarried couples in America increased by nearly 1200 percent. Over half of all first marriages are now preceded by living together, compared to virtually none 50 years ago. “The belief that living together before marriage is a useful way “to find out whether you really get along,” and thus avoid a bad marriage and an eventual divorce, is now widespread among young people. But the available data on the effects of cohabitation fail to confirm this belief. In fact, a substantial body of evidence indicates that those who live together before marriage are more likely to break up after marriage.”
ON CHILDREN:
“The trend toward single-parent families is probably the most important of the recent family trends that have affected children and adolescents. This is because the children in such families have negative life outcomes at two to three times the rate of children in married, two-parent families. Children who grow up with cohabiting couples tend to have worse life outcomes compared to those growing up with married couples. Prominent reasons are that cohabiting couples have a much higher breakup rate than married couples, a lower level of household income, and a higher level of child abuse and domestic violence.”

– 28 percent of all children live in single-parent families, 9 percent in 1960

– 40 percent of all children are expected to spend some time in a cohabiting household during their growing up years

– For unmarried couples in the 25 to 34 age group the percentage with children is higher still, approaching half of all such house­holds

– Almost one half of stepfamilies today consists of a biological parent and unrelated cohabiting partner

ON TEEN ATTITUDES:
“The desire of teenagers of both sexes for “a good marriage and family life” has increased slightly over the past few decades.”

– 82 percent of girls and 70 percent of boys state that having a good marriage and family life was “extremely important” to them (a slight increase)

– 83 percent of girls and 78 percent of boys state that they expect to marry (a moderate increase)

 

Reprinted with permission of David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead from /The State of Our Unions: The Social Health of Marriage in America, 2005/ (The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, 2005) National Marriage Project: http://marriage.rutgers.edu Link to report: http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SOOU/SOOU2005.pdf
©2005 by Relationship Coaching Institute / http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com