Any big goal will be a marathon requiring stamina and commitment. In this episode one client experiences a barrier and decides to drop out while hope reigns supreme for our remaining clients as they continue with the highs and lows, struggles and successes of their Radical Dating journey to find lasting love.
For our viewers from Michelle’s coach Sheryl Spangler:
Radical Dating’s Top Seven Barriers to Success
What do you want?
How badly do you want it?
What are you willing to do to get it?
These are 3 classic coaching questions. As coaches we help clients set goals and together we plan a strategy to reach them. Once the plan is set, we hold the clients accountable to do what they say they want to do, while supporting them and cheering their victories large and small.
A very wise coach said, “We all know what we need to do; we just have trouble doing it.” Coaches support clients to move past the fear and discomfort and do what they know they need to do to achieve their goals.
Radical Dating is about breaking through barriers to find lasting love. Those barriers are there for a reason, they protect you and keep you feeling safe in your comfort zone, but they also keep you stuck. So, radical change is needed if one is to break the patterns or beliefs that no longer serve you.
Change is uncomfortable and feels risky. We will only move forward when we truly believe that the discomfort in making a change will get us to where we want to be. Therefore, if we want to reach our goal badly enough, the discomfort is worth it.
One of my clients recently told me that she knew “certain things” would come up in our conversations and so she hesitated to work with a coach in the past. However, she now feels ready to explore and work through those “things” so she can get them out of her way and reach her relationship goal of finding lasting love.
Fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) lives in the dark and once it comes to light, often it can easily be dismissed. As coaches we help our clients shine light on their fears and move beyond them.
So why are some people successful and others not?
Top Seven Barriers to Success
1) Fear of the unknown. There are no guarantees. We will only take active steps towards the unknown if we genuinely believe that the risks or discomfort of standing still are greater than moving forward in a new direction.
Successful people “feel the fear and do it anyway,” and embrace the unknown as part of the journey.
2) Lack of trust in ourselves. Deep down some part of our self holds back because of old messages and programming that cause us to feel inadequate and unworthy of love, success, happiness and fulfillment.
Successful people choose to trust themselves and believe they are worthy of success.
3) We don’t want to leave our comfort zone. When we talk about comfort zones we’re really referring to routines. We love them. They make us feel secure. So there’s bound to be discomfort whenever change requires us to do things differently.
Successful people are willing to take risks and experience discomfort to get what they want.
4) Benefits and rewards. We will be complacent and resist moving forward if we don’t believe that the benefits and rewards of making the change are worth the trouble involved.
Successful people are driven to achieve their goals and are energized by taking action towards them.
5) We underestimate the process. Change is never just one thing; it’s a lot of connected things and often we don’t know what may come up in the process. So when we initiate a change and it’s not we expected, we feel the urge to quit and go back to our comfort zone.
Successful people do what it takes and keep going when the going gets tough.
6) We fear failure. But success is never a straight line and failure along the way is a given. If we tried to avoid all failure we would never leave the house. We will have setbacks as we make changes and take action. If we expect this, we’ll be ready when it happens and learn what we should do differently next time. Failure is a necessary experience, and not the end of the change process.
Successful people embrace mistakes and failure as a necessary part of learning along the path towards success.
7) We don’t fully commit. Success requires 100% commitment. True commitment means you do what it takes, no matter what. If we’re not fully committed we will stop when we encounter resistance or the process seems too hard or uncomfortable, which guarantees our failure.
Successful people commit to their goals and do what it takes to be successful, including getting the help and support they need.
In the Radical Dating our clients’ success depends upon their commitment to do “whatever it takes” to reach their relationship goals. Identifying and breaking through barriers on the path to success is a marathon, not a sprint, and there is no time clock on the process. We all have fears and barriers, we all get stuck, and getting the support you need is a crucial part of success as no-one is successful alone.
While nothing in life (and relationships) is guaranteed, as long as our clients are committed, persistent, take daily small steps toward their goals, keep a positive mindset, and lean on us for support, there is no reason why they can’t be successful in finding lasting love. We’re rooting for them, and for YOU!